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Bears/Packer Jokes

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Shipwrecked

 

A Bears fan, a Packers fan, and a Vikings fan get shipwrecked on an island and some natives take them to their king.  At first, the king plans to execute them, then, he decides to grant them one wish, twenty lashes on the back, and let them go.

 

The Vikings fan wishes for a pillow strapped to his back. It doesn’t hold well during the whipping and broke after 5 whips, leaving 15 painful marks on his back.  The Packers fan wishes for 2 pillows.  It lasts for ten whips and he ended up screaming in pain.  When it was the Bears fan’s turn though, a smile came across his face.

 

“I wish for 300 whips,” the king thought the Bears fan was being very brave and noble, so he gave him another wish. “I wish the Packers fan was strapped to my back!”

 

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

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Cheesehead School teacher

 

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Cheesehead.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Cheeseheads too.

 

No one really knowing what a Cheesehead was, but wanting

to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy

fireworks.

 

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen

who has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has

decided to be different.

 

“Because I’m not a Cheesehead.”

“Then”, asks the teacher, “what are you?”

 

“Why, I’m a proud bear Fan,” boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks

Kristen why she is a rebel.

 

“Well, my mom and dad are Bear Fans, so I’m a Bear Fan too.”

The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if

your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”

 

A pause, and a smile. “Then,” says Kristen, “I’d be a Cheesehead”

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38 hints you may be a packer fan

 

1) Your mother is also your sister and girlfriend.

 

2) Your favorite movie is deliverance.

 

3) Packers favorite quote "I... uh... I was just helping the sheep over the fence...

honest!"

 

4) Your richest relative buys a new house, and you have to help take the wheels off.

 

5) Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State

trooper to "kiss my ass".

 

6) Your geek ass packer flag hangs higher than the U.S. Flag.

 

7) The primary color of your car is " Green Bondo".

 

8 ) Your family tree does not fork.

 

9) You have Packer flags on each side of your car.

 

10) Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a Packer game with

your dad.

 

11) You consider Outdoor Life deep reading.

 

12) Your mother uses her Cheesehead as a spit-cup also.

 

13) Every big boned person you see, you ask for an autograph.

 

14) Your wife has a beer gut, and you think it's attractive.

 

15) Your dad walks to school with you because you're both in the same grade.

 

16) You're a cheese and fireworks shop owner!

 

17) Bill Clinton is your role model.

 

18) Your Hair is Shaved on the sides and long in back(Men), your hair is so puffy it

blocks the sun (Women).

 

19)You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

 

20) That billboard that says, "SAY NO TO CRACK" reminds you to pull up your jeans.

 

21) Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

 

22) You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

 

23) You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

 

24) Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare Center.

 

25)You've got more than three cousins named 'Bubba'.

 

26)You replace the number five with Favre.

 

27) Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

 

28) Your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.

 

29) Your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin.

 

30) You never learned to swim because your gene pool is to small.

 

31) You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit"

was snubbed for best picture.

 

32) The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

 

33) The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas

it has in it.

 

34) You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".

 

35) You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

 

36) You've painted a car with house paint.

 

37) Anyone in your family died right after saying "Hey, Y'all watch this!".

 

38) You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.

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A Bears fan in a bar leans over to the guy next

to him and says, "Wanna hear a joke about Packer fans?"

 

The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke you should know something. I'm 6' tall and 220 pounds and I'm a Packer fan. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 240 pounds and he's a Packer fan, and the guy sitting next ot him is 6'5" 280 pounds and he's a packer fan too.

 

Now, do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The Bears fan says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three

times."

 

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There is this guy from Green Bay (Packers fan) driving to Chicago and this guy from Chicago (Bears fan) driving to Green Bay. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying in different directions. The Packers fan manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage he looks at his twisted car and says "man I am lucky to be alive". Likewise the Bears fan scrambles out of his car and looks at the wreckage and he too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck".

 

The Bears fan walks over to the Packers fan and says "Hey man I think this is a sign from god that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of rivals". The Packers fan thinks for a moment and says "you know your absolutely right we should be friends lets see what else survived this wreck". So the Bears fan pops his trunk and finds a bottle full of Jack Daniels. He says to the Packers fan "I think this is another sign from god that we should toast to our newfound understanding and friendship".

 

The Packers fan says "your damn right" he takes the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half the bottle the Packers fan hands it back to the Bears fan and says "your turn". The Bears fan twists the cap back on the bottle and says "nah I think I will wait for the cops to show up".

 

images-3.jpg

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Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a T.V. watching the Super Bowl?

 

A.The Chicago Bears

 

Nuf said..........

 

medtrans

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